


Break My Fall

by trifoliumbaby



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Also fluff, Angst Smut, Cheating, F/F, LoVE smut, also??? lena is a big day drinker, lime green jealousy, loving angsty smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-20
Updated: 2017-09-06
Packaged: 2018-11-02 18:00:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 16,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10949805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trifoliumbaby/pseuds/trifoliumbaby
Summary: This is a cheating AU that is loosely aligned with some canon events. Lena is vegan, Kara loves dogs, they're bezzie mates, and neither of them can get their shit together! xo





	1. Steady

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my Supercorp debut, if you like questionable morals and a sprinkling of denial you're gonna dig it (:

Having a ‘crush’ was not something that Lena Luthor had time for. That was what she told herself, the little lie she was acting in complete opposition to. For someone who made incomprehensible amounts of money with her intellect and ability to stick to a schedule, she was genuinely horrible at following her own rules. She told herself she didn’t have time for a crush and then went out to eat with Kara Danvers, she went out for drinks with Kara Danvers and met her friends and family, she stayed up until ungodly hours grinning at her phone as Kara fucking _Danvers_ of all people texted her photo after photo of cute dogs she’d seen around National City. She made time. The real problem was that she didn’t have the energy for a crush, this crush more specifically, and if she didn’t put an end to it (whatever it was) she knew she’d run herself ragged and have nobody to pick up the pieces. It wouldn’t turn out well for her if the one person who knew how to soothe her ended up leaving her shattered.

Sunlight managed to peek through the sliver of window left uncovered by Lena’s blackout curtains, tugged shut in haste the night before. It had been a particularly emotional evening after a whirlwind of a day, but for the first time in a while it was a _good_ kind of whirlwind. Flashes of almost-kisses and cuddling on the couch flitted through her mind quickly, her heart racing even before her first cup of coffee. She reached for her phone to read through her texts with Kara from before she went to sleep, unable to keep from nibbling her lip in giddy embarrassment. Drunk texting was usually something she avoided, but Kara was safe. Kara Danvers could be Kara Danvers and Lena Luthor could be Lena Luthor, flaws and all.

_kara, text me when you get home so i know youre safe!!! im so glad you came over, next time i wont hog all the wine ♡♡_

_lenaaaaaa!!!!! i just got back and it’s ok you can hog all the wine any time_

_you’re cute when you’re drunk_

_and really sweet_

_hey wanna hear a secret!_

_always!!!!_

_youre my best friend and i love you_

_a lot_

_soo much_

_youre my best friend and i love you tooooo_  

_night night drunky!! drink water!_

She let herself bask for a moment in how perfect it all was, how kind Kara was and how genuinely affectionate she acted, but she didn’t allow herself to indulge for any longer than it took for her to crawl out of the nest of pillows on her bed and tug her robe on. As she made her way into the kitchen, she was already reciting the mantra that served as a mostly-ineffective deterrent from pursuing Kara as anything but a best friend.

She has a boyfriend.

The only thing that made  _that_ fact easier to bear was another beautiful blonde, another angel incarnate, another sweet girl who would do anything to pet a cute dog. Supergirl. Kara Danvers had a boyfriend, but Supergirl...definitely didn't act like she did. If she didn't know better she would think herself lucky for having a no-strings-attached outlet for the tension Kara tended to cause, but even entertaining the idea that they were two different people felt silly at this point. Ever since Kara informed her that she flew to her office '...........on a bus!' Lena was as amused as she was suspicious. There were several instances after that in which she could have exposed Kara, or confronted her, or even just asked casually, but something stopped her each time. She liked being friends with Kara, making her try trendy vegan foods as payback for the constant surprise donuts left on her desk, texting her during meetings just to report her results of the frivolous Buzzfeed quizzes that the blonde shared at an alarming rate. Their friendship was special to her, and it was the one relationship she had that had nothing to do with family ties. Kara didn't have to be a Super, Lena didn't have to be a Luthor, and that was why she pretended not to know. 

She also felt better about kissing Supergirl when she pretended she wasn't her best friend. It was always over too fast, Lena left on her balcony with her heart pounding and her lipstick smudged after being pressed so hard against the wall she could already feel the bruises. Once it even happened at the L-Corp building in a bathroom by the elevators, Supergirl's hands gripping her waist and lifting her onto the counter easily as their lips met. Every single time they pulled apart she wanted to ask her to stay, just to see what she would do, but she was always speechless for too long and then Supergirl was gone and she'd go have a drink (or a few) to try and get the feeling of their bodies pressed together out of her head. And then she would drunk text Kara.

It was a pattern that needed to end, which was why Lena decided to go on a date. A date  _not_ with her best friend, and not with a superhero who consistently saved her life and collected thank-you's in the form of kisses. There was a woman who Lena had run into a few times at her favorite bar and she was clearly interested, so it seemed like a reasonable idea to go out for some drinks and grab dinner. It was fine, a little awkward, and the night concluded rather disappointingly with a hasty kiss on the cheek. She texted Kara when she was on her way home, a bit put off by the lack of response but figuring she might be a little butthurt over it. She didn't expect to find the girl at her door, arms crossed and expression clearly unhappy. 

Lena was absolutely seething. It was a dramatic way of describing her emotions, but it seemed fair to act dramatic when Kara was being such a hypocrite. Lena was single, Kara had a boyfriend, so that should mean it was fair for Lena to go on a date with someone else. Logically. She wasn’t Kara’s priority in the first place and she wasn’t technically committed to anyone, so why shouldn’t she try to take her mind off of her painfully distracting ‘best friend’? Unrequited love was a tired game, and it was already getting old. She didn’t know why she was the one being confronted with bitterness and jealousy when Kara had been with Mike starting from long before they’d first crossed any sort of line.

“So I’m not allowed to go out with other people?” Lena asked, the arch in her brows fueled by her intoxication. She was always bolder when she drank, and a Luthor was _always_ bold to begin with. "You came here, to my home, to tell me I can't date?"  

“I- I didn’t say that, I just… You’re trying to make me jealous,” Kara said, hands balled into fists as she paced the length of Lena’s foyer. 

Lena let out a laugh, taking a deliberately long sip from the glass she held in her hand.  “You don’t have the right to feel jealous,” she said, her words clipped and harsher than intended. Red wine did tend to encourage honesty. She hated acting this way towards Kara, hated seeing a look of hurt on such a pretty face, but the situation had clearly reached a critical point. "You have a  _boyfriend_ , Kara." 

“Lena,” Kara pleaded, the pitiful expression she wore not nearly as effective as it usually was. Nine times out of ten, she could melt Lena in an instant. One pout of her lips and Lena would bend. Not this time. “I...You know how I feel, you know I don’t care about him like that, it's just...” Kara trailed off, her brows knitted together in distress.

Lena swallowed the remainder of her wine, setting the glass down with exaggerated care before smoothing her hands down the front of her dress. “If you didn’t care about him,” she murmured, stepping closer to Kara, “you wouldn’t be with him at all.”

“It’s complicated,” the blonde said, shaking her head lightly.

“How?” Lena asked, her turn to sound desperate now. “How is it so complicated that you can’t leave him but you can mess around with me?”

Silence situated itself between them for the next minute or so, Lena’s eyes moving over the face of the girl she loved. Of course the date seemed like a good idea when she was trying to get Kara’s attention, but this confrontation was a lot less polished and brief than she’d anticipated.  It seemed like Kara had something to say, like she was consciously trying to convince herself not to blurt out what she was feeling, and Lena waited with as much patience as she could muster - not a lot - until the words tumbled from her lips.

“It’s not about the date,” Kara said, her eyes wide at her own admission. “It’s not about the date, I… Lena,” she said, huffing out a breath. “I saw you with Supergirl.”

The irony almost made Lena laugh but she remained composed, face only inches from Kara’s now. “At least I’m only cheating on you with _you._ ”

  
  
  
  



	2. Mind Games

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which these poor girls don't manage to get their shit together at all (':

The small gasp that Kara emitted after Lena’s scathing comment made her feel a swell of regret in the pit of her stomach. She hadn’t wanted Kara to know that she knew, she wanted to preserve her sense of security, but Kara’s audacity made it much easier than it should have been for her to let slip that she’d known what was going on the whole time. Before Kara could respond, Lena took a step back and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. _God, don’t cry about it_ , she thought, blinking quickly and avoiding the look on her best friend’s face. She had to remind herself that she was the one getting played, and that Kara was the one who just tried to turn the blame on her by bringing up Supergirl. There was no need for her to cry.

“Before you say anything, I just have to ask,” Lena began after a shallow breath, her voice quivering slightly despite her efforts to quell her emotions. She was still mad, yes, but this wasn’t an attack. It wasn’t meant to be an end. Not yet. They hadn’t even had time to start. “Why would you say you saw me… _us_ , if you… Kara, you and I aren’t dating,” she said, letting out a sigh. She hadn’t laid things out so plainly before this conversation, and it made her chest hurt to acknowledge multiple times that they weren’t actually together. “Why would you think that throwing Supergirl in my face would help your side of this?” She didn’t want to sound harsh but she could tell by the guilt on Kara’s face that she might have. It wasn’t an unfair question, but anything that made Kara’s face contort into one of frustration and pain was something Lena regretted whether it was necessary or not.

“I don’t know,” Kara said after a moment, her voice wavering as well. “I wanted to...I wanted to tell you I...I wanted to tell you I’m Supergirl, and then I didn’t want to, and then I got upset and said something stupid because I’m jealous and you’re right and I didn’t know that you knew and I-”

Lena placed her hands on Kara’s shoulders, letting out a small sigh and meeting her eyes. She knew what she said wasn’t a complete answer, didn’t address the other issue on the table, but Lena would make excuses for her until she ran out. _The Supergirl thing is more important than the boyfriend thing. And the jealousy thing. And the double-standard thing. We can talk about those another time._

“I don’t care that you’re Supergirl,” she murmured, her tone much gentler now than it had been before. She could only last so long before Kara’s teary eyes melted her, made her want to cradle her even though she was the one truly hurting. “I mean...of course I care, because I care about you, but you’re always Kara to me.” She trailed her fingers down Kara’s arms slowly, taking her hands carefully and offering a light squeeze. “We don’t have to be anybody but us,” she added quietly. She didn’t want Kara to feel like she had to be two different entities, like her relationship with Lena was conditional, but she knew how that cape and those boots and that damn skirt helped both of them. That costume blurred the line that they knew they shouldn’t cross.

Kara looked relieved for a moment, then a look Lena couldn’t quite place glinted in her eyes.

“What if I want to be Supergirl sometimes?” she asked, her thumbs brushing over Lena’s knuckles.

Lena swallowed, her heart pounding and her eyes falling shut. “Kara…” she mumbled, her attempt at a warning tone coming out as more of a surrender.

“Lena,” the blonde countered. She held her hands a little tighter, pulled her a little closer, and pressed her forehead to the brunette’s. “If you keep your eyes closed, you can pretend I’m her.”

It was amazing how Kara did it, really. How she showed up irate at Lena’s place out of underserved jealousy, avoided a conversation about her relationship, _their_ relationship, and then got them here. Foreheads together, Lena’s cheeks flushed and her heart thudding. It wasn’t fair, but Lena didn’t want it to stop. That was the worst part.

“I don’t want to pretend,” she whispered, letting go of Kara’s hands to loop her arms around her neck instead.

Kara’s hands moved to the curve of her waist instinctively, ready to press her against the nearest wall, but she hesitated. She paused there, noticing the tight fit of Lena’s dress and the smell of her perfume and the way her heart was beating so hard and fast it was all she could hear.

“Kara Danvers,” Lena murmured, ghosting over her lips just enough to feel the hands at her waist tighten their grip. “Aren’t you going to kiss me?”

There was no more hesitation after that. A pair of glasses hit the floor and Kara kissed her hard, her hands sliding down past the hem of her dress so she could pick her up. Lena’s legs braced against her waist as she backed her against the wall, her hands cupping the sides of Kara’s face as their lips parted. It felt new like this, Kara in her regular clothes, no cape to grab onto, no tight blue suit keeping Lena’s hands from wandering over bare skin. Wander they did, under the back of Kara’s sweater and up her sides. Kara tugged at her lip with her teeth and pressed her more firmly into the wall, pulling away slightly as Lena’s fingers trailed over her spine.

“Lena,” she breathed, nuzzling the crook of her neck before nipping at her skin. “You’re being quiet.”

Embarrassment passed through Lena for a moment when she was reminded of how she normally sounded, how Supergirl would get her wound up so tightly she was all whines, desperate for anything more than a kiss or a bite.

“I never get to touch you,” she whispered after a second, fingertips still traveling over the soft skin of Kara’s back, pressing slightly every so often to feel her strength. “I’m focusing,” she added, a hushed laugh passing her lips before she was yanked away from the wall and repositioned on the couch in her living room. _Super speed definitely makes that part easier._ She took a second to collect herself, touching her fingertips to the places Kara has kissed her absently and looking up at the woman before her. Kara Danvers without her glasses, more herself than Lena had ever seen her.

There they sat, Lena’s lipstick smudged and Kara straddling her lap, though she felt impossibly light. She was hovering, probably out of fear of crushing her, Lena realized as Kara tugged her sweater off quickly and tossed it somewhere among the throw pillows around them.

“Here,” the blonde said, guiding Lena’s hands to rest atop her collarbones and offering a slight smile. “Touch.”

Lena nodded, watching the path of her own hands intently in an attempt to memorize how Kara looked and how she felt at the same time. She explored every inch of her torso delicately, fascinated by her warmth, made impatient by the bra that kept her from feeling everything. She didn’t want to go too fast and forget details. Despite Kara’s willingness to just be them for a while, Lena couldn’t help the fear that she wouldn’t get a chance like this again. For all she knew, they’d go back to sneaking and rushing and avoiding like tonight never even happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking around for the second chapter! Obviously it's going to take some time for Kara and Lena to actually talk about what they need to talk about, but what's a little...stuff between friends in the meantime? xoxo


	3. I Want You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kara is a genuinely terrible liar and Lena is a platinum card member of the Sad Girls Club. Also boobs (:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All of the chapter titles are songs from a playlist I have cultivated for this fic.  
> Ch 1: Steady - Hey Ocean!  
> Ch 2: Mind Games - Banks  
> Ch 3: I Want You - Marian Hill  
> Use this information how you like!  
> ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Lena was having a hard time breathing and they weren’t even _doing_ anything. Kara was still half-hovering on her lap and she was running her fingers over her skin more confidently now, dipping beneath the lace covering her chest. Her skin was so warm, and soft, and she was...impossibly symmetrical. The bralet she wore allowed space for Lena’s hands to fit against the curve of her breasts and she felt a little silly for just holding them like she’d never touched any before in her life. She felt Kara settle partially on her lap when she spread her fingers, and the change in weight made her look up to Kara’s face from where her eyes had been.

“Sorry,” Lena breathed, drawing her hands away when she saw how impossibly wide Kara’s eyes were.

“No, no,” Kara said hastily, letting out a small laugh. “You can, please do, I just…” She paused, clearly considering her next words. “You have...really nice hands,” she said, nudging her hips towards Lena’s just enough to make her readjust on the couch.

There is was, the comparison. It was subtle but it was there. Her hands were probably softer than his, smaller, more gentle. _That_ was part of why she was glad she and Kara hadn’t done this before, why she was relieved that it was always with Supergirl. She didn’t want to be compared to him. She didn’t want to pause for too long to think, though, moving her hands instead to tug the elastic from Kara’s hair before running her fingers through slowly. _I really can’t stay mad_ , she thought.

“Your dress,” Kara murmured, a tinge of impatience to her voice. “Off,” she added, nudging her nose against Lena’s before kissing her briefly.

“You’re on my lap,” Lena pointed out, drawing her hands through impossibly soft blonde hair before resting them on Kara’s shoulders. “I can’t-”

She’d only ever felt super speed outside before tonight. Supergirl’s arms around her, Lena would brace herself and squeeze her eyes shut and wait for them to arrive at whatever safe haven the girl in blue had chosen. This time, though, she didn’t even have time to process the relocation before she was on her feet near the edge of her bed and Kara was unzipping her dress. Deft fingers nudged the straps down and she sighed lightly, her heart racing.

“I want to feel you, too,” Kara said, letting the top half of the dress bunch up at Lena’s waist and wrapping her arms around her. They stayed like that for a moment in some sort of slightly inappropriate prom pose before Kara guided Lena to face her, her lip finding its way between her teeth as she took in the sight before her.

“Lena,” she whispered, fists clenched impossibly tight at her sides and her face flushed. “You...I…wow.”

Lena was flattered by Kara’s reaction, watching the way her eyes fell to her chest and lingered intently. There was a pause before Kara pushed her down onto the bed, a small laugh leaving her lips as she hit the mattress with her hair messily framing her face and her dress arranged in a rather revealing display.

“I always did think this bra fit nicely,” she teased, though she quickly found that Kara’s hands fit better. Much better. So much better, especially when she squeezed, that Lena let out one of her whiny sounds that usually drove Supergirl crazy. That was obviously still the case because she immediately felt teeth at her neck and fingertips pressing hard into the skin left uncovered by her bra, and if she hadn’t been drinking the bite probably would have hurt more than it did. Her fingers moved into Kara’s hair so she could urge her mouth away from her neck and towards her waiting kiss, their lips meeting hungrily and a moan leaving her throat as the blonde wedged her leg between Lena’s.

Kara grinned against her mouth before pulling back and lifting off of her, hovering over her bed just to enjoy the view.

“You’re pretty like this,” she said, watching closely as Lena calmed down. “You’re always pretty, but...I think you’re really, really pretty with your-” she motioned with her hand, eyes on her chest again.

Lena was just trying to breathe again, finding it very difficult with a topless Kara Danvers literally floating above her like the most devious angel she’d ever seen. Floating above her and rambling and _staring_. She didn’t know if she was looking at her handiwork, the bruises she probably left bordering the cups of Lena’s bra, or just staring in general. Either way it was an intense stare, and she wondered if x-ray vision worked on underwear.

“You, Kara, are a boob girl,” Lena said, eyes squinting slightly in amusement. Her cheeks were red and her heart was still beating fast, but she couldn’t let Kara get away with staring the way she was. “I mean, it’s not like I didn’t notice you looking before tonight,” she continued, pleased by the immediate blush that her comment elicited. “But I can confidently say nobody looks at them like _that_.” The way the blonde handled her had her believing she’d done this before, that Supergirl might have pressed other lonely CEO’s up against counters and left them breathless, but the shy way she was behaving now that she was being put on the spot had her wondering if she might have been hasty in that assumption.

“I’m- I- what? No, no, Lena, I’m not a...boob girl,” Kara stuttered, letting out a small and unconvincing laugh as she settled back down on the bed at Lena’s side. “I just think...you have a nice décolletage.” Her eyes were hopeful, like Lena might actually believe Kara’s eyes hadn’t wandered below her neckline more than once or twice.

“A nice décolletage,” Lena repeated, stifling a laugh but unable to keep from grinning. “Well, thank you,” she said, stroking Kara’s arm softly and rolling onto her side. “But you’re still a boob girl. Even more of one because you made a...conscious effort to have a French word ready as an excuse for when you inevitably got called out,” she murmured, watching Kara grow even more embarrassed.

“Well...you’re obsessed with my ass,” Kara countered, earning a look of genuine surprise. Lena couldn’t recall a time she ever admitted to that out loud, and she thought she was at least kind of subtle. She hated to see her leave, but she did love watching her walk away. That much she would admit to.

“I wouldn’t say obsessed-”

“You _did_ say obsessed. Like...two weeks ago,” Kara said matter-of-factly before a look of guilt flashed across her face.

“Oh my god,” Lena said, her own face heating with embarrassment now. Two weeks ago, when she’d gone out drinking with Kara, Kara who was Supergirl, Supergirl who definitely couldn’t get drunk off of tequila shots. She, however, could get very drunk off of tequila shots. _Shit._ “You’ve been letting me get drunk this whole time? Without you?” she asked. “Kara!”

“It was to protect my identity,” Kara said in defense, a grin playing on her lips. “And because you’re really cute when you’re drunk, and because you say things like ‘I’m secretly obsessed with your ass but in a strictly professional way’,” she added, tugging the brunette closer with ease and playing idly with the material of her dress.

Lena laughed, burying her face in Kara’s neck. “That’s mean,” she mumbled, for a moment forgetting the tangled mess they were in. She let herself believe they were just two women cuddling in bed, no last names or aliases or responsibilities. Kara and Lena.

The moment passed and sirens sounded somewhere a few blocks down and Lena suddenly felt very stupid with her dress half off and her shoes still on and her lipstick a disaster, barely listening as Kara apologized and kissed her cheek before disappearing to gather her things. She _really_ hated to see her leave. She stayed still in bed for a few minutes, reveling in the last few wisps of euphoria she could cling to before reality closed in on her and she got up to collect herself. She peeled her dress off and drew a bath, sending off an email to her assistant informing her that she wouldn’t be at the office the next day before settling in with a glass of whiskey. The rest of the evening was bleak, concluding with Lena curled tightly around her pillow and a half-empty Macallan bottle on her nightstand.

Sleeping in was a luxury that Lena afforded herself incredibly rarely, even after particularly stressful nights, so she supposed her feelings for Kara were something rather serious. She’d known it before, obviously, but the fact that she couldn’t shake the feeling of gut-wrenching abandonment after her best friend left her bed must mean something. She didn’t even know if she could call her her best friend anymore if she was feeling like this, all uncertain and anxious and vulnerable and completely alone. Kara was lucky; she had Alex to talk to, she had friends like Winn, and she didn’t have the state of her heart riding on one person who was already spreading herself too thin. The person Lena would want to talk to about a messy love triangle (square?) was in it, and that left her nobody to talk her down from her state of distress.

She didn’t know if it would be better or worse to see a text from Kara in the morning. She always texted Lena before work or once she got a break, but it was already almost noon by the time she’d slipped on her robe and made her way into the kitchen to fix herself a drink. Before she checked her notifications she tried to decide what she would want it to say if there was a message at all. ‘Hey, can we talk about last night?’ or ‘I dumped him’ or ‘I’m sorry’? After several minutes fussing around the kitchen island she drummed her fingertips on the granite, taking a sip from her Bloody Mary (extra strong, on a morning like this) before tapping the home button and skimming her notifications quickly. Emails, news alerts, messages about work, but nothing from the only person in her contacts with emojis next to their name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't lie about there being canon events eventually at some point in this fic, it's just not now. Not that anyone asked, just letting you know!! I hope you liked this chapter and I look forward to reading your comments ♡ xo


	4. Hide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lena day drinks her way to a plan, Jess the secretary is stressed, Kara is avoidant, and Big Forehead Mike makes an appearance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit longer than usual because there's a peek at Kara's point of view! This fic is (obviously) very Lena focused but I figured a little change in perspective would be appropriate this time around. 
> 
> Ch 4: Hide - Desirée Dawson  
> ♡

As a Luthor, Lena was not one for letting her emotions get the best of her. It was always looked down upon in her family to wallow in self pity or cry over hypotheticals, but it wasn’t like Lillian was in the penthouse. Nobody was there to watch Lena go about her morning near-tears, answering the necessary emails plaguing her screen with notifications before allowing herself to sit down with her third Bloody Mary and watch T.V. She didn’t usually watch anything in real time when she wasn’t at work, her television at home almost exclusively reserved for the rare occasion that she had time to relax and watch a film, but today she decided to watch the news for a bit first.

There she was, Supergirl, floating above the scene of yet another almost-tragedy and gleaming as she always did after saving somebody. On a normal day Lena would hope for Supergirl to come by and visit later on; it was always especially fun to see her when she was coming down from the high of saving lives. It made sense, really, that Kara-as-Supergirl would want something rough and ruthless after a day of work as a family-friendly hero. Today was different, though, and Lena knew that even if they ended up talking it wouldn’t be the same as before. At this point she didn’t know if that was a good thing or bad.

It could potentially be a good thing if Kara returned the feelings she had, if she was ready to go after what she wanted, but it could have also scared her off and made her feel guilty and ruined their friendship. Taking the blow of losing her best friend, _only_ friend, and any possibility at a romantic relationship would be brutal. Until Lena heard from her she figured she’d assume the worst because that was her nature, but she tried to let herself keep ahold of a bit of hope. She couldn’t help but think this was a time she could really use a mother, or a sister, or a sort-of-friendly acquaintance to talk her through what to do in this situation, but _this_ part of herself was something she would prefer not to let slip into the wrong hands. She could handle media rumors about her sexuality, always presumptuous but never completely wrong, but she was not equipped to have people running around with quotes from her heart. It would be much easier to handle a sex scandal than an exposé outlining how irrevocably in love she’d fallen with Kara.

Lena picked up the remote and sipped her drink, debating for a moment before flipping through the films in her library and selecting her favorite to watch when she was feeling lost and overwhelmed. _Before Sunrise_ , a recommendation of Lex’s that quickly became a source of comfort after her first teenage heartbreak, never failed to soothe her. She hoped that streak wouldn’t be broken today. Though their relationship was shattered now, the pieces of her brother that weren’t marred by his crimes remained cherished. The books he gave her to read, the films he told her to watch, and the letters he would slip under her door in times Lillian was being particularly cruel to her when they were still young meant the world to her and she refused to let them go. Lena settled back on the couch, feeling rather un-cozy but trying her best to curl up with a throw blanket and her cold glass clutched near her chest.

***

Kara was a wreck. She’d broken her phone first thing in the morning, drafting at least 16 different texts to Lena before pushing her thumbs through the screen. The last thing she wanted was for everything to get all tangled up like this; it was inevitable, and she couldn’t argue the things that Lena had said, but the prospect of having to actually address it was more anxiety-inducing than facing any number of rogue aliens or violent criminals. For once she was glad that there was a constant stream of problems for her to solve in National City _and_ at Catco. If she was left alone for long enough to think about Lena, and last night, and how perfect it was, and how it reminded her what real love felt like, and how completely terrified it made her, she might do something stupid. More stupid than what she’d already been doing, if that was possible. She knew it was a bad idea from the moment she kissed Lena as Supergirl the first time, that it wasn’t honest and it wasn’t really fair, but those moments of escape were almost as vital in keeping her somewhat sane as spending time with Lena as Kara was. Supergirl needed Lena Luthor, and Kara Danvers needed Lena Luthor, and Kara Zor-El was in _love_ with Lena Luthor, but she was supposed to be in love with the Daxamite too.

She’d thrown herself into a new article and worked on it late into the afternoon, documents scattered across her desk and an absurd number of tabs open on her computer when Mon-El walked into her office. He looked worried, the expanse of his forehead wrinkled as he shut the door behind himself.

“You haven’t been answering my calls. Or my texts,” he said, his tone much more accusatory than the look on his face suggested.

“Mike,” she said, careful to keep her tone level. Though he had a penchant for yelling at her at Catco, at the DEO, at the bar, out on the sidewalk...she wasn’t in the mood to fight at work today. “I’m just...I’ve been really busy, Snapper wants me to finish this, this uhh,” she gestured at her desk, then pressed her fingers to her temples. He wasn’t leaving.

“You were at Lena’s last night and then you didn’t answer me or check in or anything all morning. I...you know how I feel about her,” he said warningly, one hand on his hip and his other lifting to point at her. “She’s dangerous and with everything going on with Cadmus-”

“Lena is _not_ a part of Cadmus,” she hissed, pushing back from her desk a bit too hard and nudging it a few feet into the middle of the room as she stood up from her chair. “And if you keep talking about her like that I’m going to...not...be happy,” she added with a frown, her arms crossed. Avoiding acting guilty was not one of her strongest skills. “How did you know I was over there, anyway?” Her heart pounded and her cheeks went hot just at the idea of him having seen anything at all, having suspected what had actually happened when she was there.

“It doesn’t matter, I just know that you were there and I just don’t feel good about it,” he said, stepping closer and dropping his other hand to his hip as well.

She flinched, tensing and adjusting her glasses as she avoided his eyes. “Well, if you don’t feel good about me going to see my _friends_ , that sounds like a you problem and not a me problem,” she said with as much bite to her words as she could manage. She didn’t feel as bad lying to him when he acted like he owned her. “And just so you-”

He grabbed the sides of her face and kissed her, a favorite move of his to avoid conversation, and effectively (though unintentionally) distracted Kara from the sound of Lena’s Manolos quickly approaching the office door.

***

_“Loving someone, and being loved means so much to me. We always make fun of it and stuff._

_But isn't everything we do in life a way to be loved a little more?”_

It was always fascinating to Lena how that line changed meaning depending on what was happening in her life, depending on who she was trying to be loved by. The entire film blanketed her in a feeling of romantic hope, a muted eagerness to see things to end up alright that blossomed into a passionate investment in the future of the main characters. When Lex first showed it to her she was processing the aftermath of coming out to someone whose feelings she’d apparently misread, and the story offered some closure. She realized that she didn’t need to fault herself for wanting to be loved. She watched it again a few years later after a particularly bad argument with Lillian, and it reduced the guilt she felt for craving the affection of someone so cold-hearted. Watching it now, though, and seeing two people let themselves follow an unexpected tug in their hearts, made her feel swell of need in her own chest. She needed to do _something_ to show Kara she was invested, but she didn’t know what that something was. Jesse and Celine got off the train to be together in Vienna, but she and Kara weren’t on a train and being impulsive and sentimental was not something Lena was used to.

After some consideration of love, and Kara, and loving Kara, and finishing her Bloody Mary (which she did), and Kara (who she wanted to do), she decided to get off of the proverbial train. It wasn’t logistically hard for her to orchestrate a grand gesture; she’d thrown parties that could rival Anna Wintour’s and she could woo even the most stubborn of potential investors. In this case, though, she needed to be vulnerable. That was the hard part. The vodka helped.

“Jess,” Lena said with warm relief as her secretary answered the phone, much to the surprise of the woman at the other end of the line as proven by a poorly hidden gasp. She’d decided on Jess as the person to help her figure out the logistics of her plan, but speaking to her like this was definitely...odd. She figured a shot couldn’t hurt her courage so she paused the film and strode into the kitchen with new enthusiasm, cradling her phone in one hand as she brought the bottle of vodka to her lips just for a moment. “I need your help with something, but you can’t say a word to anyone.”

There was a pause before Jess spoke. “Miss Luthor, are you alright?” she asked, earning a laugh from her boss.

“I’m wonderful, actually. I’ve just… realized that I need to do something,” she said, biting her lip to hold back a grin. “I need you to call that place, that one,” she continued, brows scrunched in concentration.

“That place…” Jess repeated, her tone somewhere between distressed and amused.

“The place with the nice flowers-”

“Oh,” Jess said, not phased by this request. “The florist where we always get the flowers for Kara Danvers?”

“No, no,” Lena said, humming in frustration. “I mean, they are for Kara Danvers, but not from that place. It has to be the one with the boxes, Venus something- the roses last forever and you can get different colors and...a design, you can do a design,” she said, her voice a bit too relaxed to sound professional in any regard. “Like a...for example, you could do a heart shape which would be _so_ adorable, but maybe too much...Do you think that’s too much?” Another long pause on Jess’ end had Lena reaching for the bottle again, anxiety bubbling up each time she felt a sliver of doubt at her plan.

“I’m...not sure I know what you mean by ‘too much’, but Venus et Fleur only delivers large arrangements like that in the New York area,” Jess reported, clicking around on the website. “When did you need them by? I could try to arrange something for tomorrow,” she offered.

“I need them today,” Lena said, sighing lightly. “Like...now-ish. As soon as possible. Get the biggest box, do...blue on the outside, a pretty blue, she likes blue, and do...hm, do a heart with the flowers,” she said, putting her phone down on the counter so she could motion with her hands as she envisioned the arrangement. “Maybe a light pink for the flowers, except the heart has to be red…”

Frantic typing could be heard through the phone as Jess tried to get Lena’s requests down, resisting the urge to mutter to herself. “Miss Luthor, I don’t know if I can-”

“Jess. I have to have them today. Big red heart, blue box...oh! For the message on the little card, can it say ‘let’s talk about last night’?”

“Okay, I’ll see what I can do,” Jess said, taking a deep breath. “I’ll keep you updated on the order.”

When her driver helped her out of the backseat of the Towncar she slipped him a few bills from her wallet, taking a moment to collect herself before scooping up the massive box of preserved roses in her arms. Jess had followed her instructions perfectly, and after drinking somewhat steadily all day she was feeling pretty confident that this was a good idea.

She marched into Catco, the dress she wore similar to the one Kara had unzipped the night before, and took the elevator up without giving herself the chance to hesitate in the lobby. She hummed to herself, deciding a grand gesture deserved a grand entrance as she walked right up to Kara’s office door and set the box down on the floor before pushing the door open. Her smile froze in place and she went cold, watching _Mike_ with his huge forehead and patchy facial hair pull back from Kara with a start.

“Lena,” Kara breathed, her eyes wide and face impossibly red.

“Kara,” Lena said, blinking a few times. She kept her smile in place, her mind fuzzy and her throat tight.

“Mike,” Mon-El said, his laughter lost in the leaded tension of the room.

_Fuck._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone should get wasted and watch Before Sunrise and also buy the love of their life an absurd flower arrangement from Venus et Fleur. Go big or go home!! I hope you liked this chapter, as always I am excited to read your comments ♡ xoxo ♡


	5. Under the Table

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lena and Mike have a pleasant exchange, Kara gets dragged, and the $1000+ flowers are under-appreciated :''')

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got no legitimate excuse for the length this time, you're just gonna have to deal with this mess! I'm scapegoating Mike's big ass head for taking up so many words.
> 
> Ch 5: Under the Table - Banks ♡

Lena couldn’t even look at Kara’s boyfriend, keeping her eyes straight ahead and trying not to let her own face falter like Kara’s was. The girl looked absolutely horrified, cheeks bright and mouth opening and closing several times before she spoke. 

“Mike,” she said, a forced smile on her face. “Could you...give us a minute?” she asked, unable to keep her eyes from dropping to the bruise she’d left on Lena’s neck the night prior. “I’ll call you later."

Mon-El furrowed his brows once he realized the amount of discomfort in the room, studying the two women for a moment before speaking. “I...don’t know,” he said, narrowing his eyes at Lena. “I don’t know if I want to leave you alone with a drunk Luthor,” he continued, shrugging. 

Kara’s head snapped to face him so quickly Lena thought she might hurt herself. “Get out,” she muttered, nodding towards the door.

“She smells like a distillery and a whole bottle of...whatever, the body spray stuff, perfume,” he said, remaining in his place and regarding the brunette with pure disgust. 

Lena rolled her eyes, folding her arms over her chest. “It’s Chanel,” she murmured, finally letting her eyes fall on the man’s face. She was glad she was decently drunk, it was harder to focus on his features that way. “And I’m not here to cause any problems,  _ Mark _ ,” she added, trying to keep the jealousy out of her voice. “I was just dropping something off, I didn’t realize I’d be interrupting anything. I should have called before-”

“My name’s-”

“You weren’t interrupting,” Kara said hastily, shaking her head. “My phone’s broken anyway, I wouldn’t have...This is all just a… everything’s cool!” She took a deep breath, reaching to tighten her ponytail. “Mike,” she tried again, a bit more calm now. “Can you  _ please  _ go?”

There was a beat of hesitation in which it seemed like everyone in the room was frozen, then Kara’s boyfriend was storming out in such a huff that he almost tripped over the box of flowers left outside of the door. Lena didn’t shrink away but Kara did, curling in on herself for a moment before speaking.

“Lena,” she said quietly, messing with one of the buttons on her shirt. “I didn’t… I was trying to,” she mumbled, letting out a frustrated sigh. “I was trying to get him to leave, I told him I had work to do,” she offered, her facial expression painfully apologetic. 

Lena took a breath, glad that Kara turned to retrieve the box from the doorway so she had time to release her smile and squeeze her eyes shut for a few seconds.  _ God, what a mess,  _ she thought. _ A thousand dollars worth of flowers? Really?  _ When she heard the click of the door closing again she opened her eyes, feeling too hot and too cold at once. Kara looked absolutely petrified, cradling the suede-covered box in her arms and staring at Lena intently. 

“Are you mad?” Kara asked, her voice soft.

Lena almost wanted to laugh but the sound got caught, coming out as more of a scoff than anything. “Why would I be mad about you being with your boyfriend?” she asked, shrugging slightly. 

“I wasn’t… We were talking and he kissed me,” Kara said, setting the flowers carefully beside her desk before moving to stand closer to Lena. She searched her face but couldn’t find how she was really feeling.

“Okay,” Lena mumbled, raising her eyebrows. “It’s not like I’m allowed to care about that, you can… do whatever you want and then show up angry and jealous and pissed off at  _ me _ ,” she continued. “You can kiss him and do all the things you two do, that’s not my call, but I… thought after last night you might feel different.”

Kara took off her glasses, rubbing a hand over her eyes before replacing them and looking at Lena. “I wanted to talk to you,” she said, avoiding her eyes again. “But I broke my phone and then I had work and I didn’t call off because I didn’t know if you’d want to see me, I didn’t want to just show up and make things worse...I didn’t know what to do.” She paused, regarding the woman before her and swallowing thickly. “You’re not usually this drunk during the day,” she added, though her voice was gentle. “I...Is it because of me?”

Everything the blonde said sounded like an excuse but Lena accepted almost every bit, pleased by her soft tone and soothed by her concern. She still felt hurt, of course, but it was hard to feel completely angry staring at the same face that had been nuzzled close to hers the night before. “I don’t know, Kara,” she said, pursing her lips and smoothing her dress. “You left so fast and I didn’t know what any of it meant, I thought I might but then I...did what I usually do,” she said, shrugging sadly. 

“And what’s that?” Kara asked, still fidgeting with her button. 

“I overestimated how much someone cared about me.” 

They both stayed quiet for too long, anxiety and nervousness and discomfort filling every inch of the office. 

“Lena, I care about you so much,” Kara said, shaking her head. 

“You care about me enough to save my life.” She meant for it to come out at apathetic, resigned even, but her voice wobbled slightly. “And enough to be my friend, and enough to… kiss me, and whatever else.” It stung to minimize how she felt about last night. ‘Whatever else’ couldn’t even begin to evoke how it felt to be that vulnerable, and to see Kara being vulnerable too. She would do anything to feel like that again, affectionate and comfortable and wrapped up with someone she adored. Someone who, despite her actions, spoke like she adored her too. 

“I would do anything for you, you know that,” Kara said with some sort of conviction, though the way she shrunk back after the words passed her lips made it pretty clear that even she didn’t believe herself. 

“Anything but leave him,” Lena said simply, shrugging. “I don’t know why I thought, after you… after you came over and you,  _ Kara _ , said what you did and after I let you into my bed and-” She took a breath, trying to gather her thoughts. “I don’t know why I thought that meant something. You showed up without your suit on, I should have guessed that you just wanted to hook up and leave.”

“I...what?” Kara asked, her brows furrowed. 

Lena laughed bitterly, running a hand back through her hair. “When you took off your sweater,” she said, eyes drifting down just for a moment. “You didn’t have that ‘S’ on your chest. You came over expecting something and it was stupid that I didn’t catch on.” She didn’t know whether to feel ridiculous or proud. She was proud of herself for saying something and for being somewhat straightforward, but she was embarrassed at the least by the way she seemed to have fabricated an entire romance in her head. 

Kara’s eyes widened and she shook her head, stuttering out something unintelligible before actually forming a sentence. “No, Lena, I wouldn’t come over expecting-”

“Everything you say is a lie.” The sentence was laced with pained amusement, hanging in the air like a half-deflated balloon waiting for someone to yank it down. 

“It’s more complicated than you know,” Kara said after a while, her lashes wet. “I never meant to make you feel like I’m… using you, or that I don’t care about you or that I don’t have… that I don’t think of you as more than a friend.”

“That doesn’t change the fact that you say you care, that you wouldn’t  _ ever _ come over expecting anything, but you’ve been showing up in that fucking cape for weeks and leaving marks all over me,” Lena said, her heart pounding. “And then you  _ leave _ and we don’t talk about it and I thought last night was us talking,” she continued, determined to get everything out as fast as she could so that she wouldn’t end up thinking too hard and crying in the Catco building. “But now I’m not sure what to think, because nothing you do lines up with what you say and it’s fucking confusing, Kara.”

“You’re drunk and you’re yelling,” the blonde said, taking a deep breath. 

“I’m always drunk.”

“And you’re right,” Kara continued. “I… I can’t argue with what you’re saying, right now just… can we talk about it later on? When I’m not at work?” she asked, her tone gentle. 

Lena wanted to scream but she swallowed the urge, fidgeting with the clasp on her purse. “If what you have to say,” she murmured, “is that you don’t want to do this anymore, then don’t bother coming over. Enjoy the flowers.” She blinked quickly, glad she’d decided on waterproof mascara, then turned as gracefully as she could and marched out of the office toward the elevator. 

During the ride home she texted Jess a long strand of distressed messages, mostly asking her to never mention the flowers thing ever again. She didn’t want to be a complete pessimist, Celine from  _ Before Sunrise _ wouldn’t approve, but she wanted to prepare for this to be a day she blocked out of her memory. Silk pajamas and a cup of tea seemed like the most inviting options as far as decompressing from such an intense situation went, so within minutes of getting home Lena had traded her dress for a camisole and shorts before returning to her corner of the couch with a mug in her hands. Only an hour had passed before she heard the familiar sound of Supergirl’s boots on her balcony; whether it was at work or at home, that landing never failed to make her heart race. She got up and scurried to her room to pull on a robe, 

“Hey,” Kara said once Lena opened the sliding door, seeming surprised that she was being let inside. 

“You came,” Lena said, the corners of her mouth twitching slightly. 

“I did,” Kara answered, nodding slightly as she walked inside. “I’m so sorry, Lena,” she said. She looked like she’d been crying, her eyes bright but her lashes stuck together. 

Lena swallowed, nodding as well and searching the blonde’s face. “Then show me,” she said softly. It wasn’t like she had more to say; the roses and the sort-of-drunken yelling at Catco certainly said plenty, and clearly Kara didn’t do as well with words as she did with everything else. She hesitated for a moment, the words poised on her tongue dissolving before she cupped Lena’s face and kissed her delicately.

“Show me again,” Lena whispered against her lips, her arms curling around Kara’s neck as she met the next kiss. “Again.” She let Kara initiate for a while, reveling in the feeling of her lips being sought out, but after a while she couldn’t help herself. The strong arms around her waist brought back the feeling of comfort that she craved and she pushed herself closer, her kisses still tender and slow but her body flush against Kara’s.  

“I’ve got you,” Kara murmured, nipping at Lena’s bottom lip before pulling back to rub her thumb over it gently. “I’m not going anywhere,” she continued. 

Lena nodded slowly, opening her eyes and playing idly with Kara’s hair. “Promise?”

“Promise.”

Lena stopped herself from asking the question she probably should before continuing. There was nothing guaranteeing that she wouldn’t walk in on Kara and Mike again because she didn’t ask if they’d ended things, but the question felt like a lead marble in her throat. She didn’t think she’d like the answer anyway, so she just took Kara’s promise and turned to kiss her palm before finding her lips again. She kissed her hungrily this time, glad when they ended up on the couch. This time Lena was on Kara’s lap, catching her breath while her robe was untied in a blur. She shrugged it onto the floor, leaning her head back as lips met her neck. 

“Do you like the marks I leave?” Kara asked, kissing over the bruise on her neck she’d caused last night. 

“Of course I do,” Lena mumbled, arching her back slightly as Kara’s hands slipped under her top. She thought she was warm but Kara was always warmer, her fingertips searing a trail up her back before moving softly down her sides. She squirmed slightly, pushing her hips forward and closing her eyes as Kara placed kisses down her neck. 

“Mm, what’s that all about?” the blonde hummed, nipping at Lena’s collarbone before nuzzling her neck with a grin. 

“What’s what all about?” Lena asked, certain that Kara could hear her heartbeat quicken. 

Kara lifted her head, grinning and moving her hands to Lena’s hips. “You’re moving,” she said proudly, snapping the waistband of her shorts against her skin lightly. 

“You’re so smug,” Lena answered, though she couldn’t help grinning as well. She moved her hips again, more deliberately this time, and she was glad when she felt Kara’s hands coaxing her to do it again. “And you’ve got a lot of clothes on to be enjoying this so much,” she teased. 

“I think I’d still like you doing… that thing that you’re doing if I was wearing a million layers,” Kara murmured, clearly not opposed to the idea of Lena grinding on her lap indefinitely. 

“I think I’d like it  _ more _ if your hand-”

Kara shook her head, bringing a finger to Lena’s lips playfully. “Nope, not on your nice couch.” 

“What did you think I was going to say?” Lena laughed, tilting her head. 

“Well, I don’t know, something about my hand between your legs, less clothes, stuff like that,” Kara said, dropping both hands to Lena’s thighs and sliding them up just until her fingers brushed the hem of her shorts.

Lena gave a coy shrug, moving her hands down to rest on Kara’s chest. “Let’s go to bed, then,” she said, smoothing her palms over the coat of arms before leaning in for a kiss. “Unless you’re going to have to leave,” she added, hesitating before she let their lips meet. 

“I won’t leave, I’ll spend the night,” Kara whispered, her hands wandering further up Lena’s thighs.

“What if someone needs Supergirl?” Lena asked, trying not to get distracted by how soon Kara was going to realize she didn’t have anything on underneath her pajama set. 

“I told Alex I’m not working tonight.” Kara’s breath hitched for a moment and her fingers stilled, her own heartbeat rivaling the one she’d been hyperfocused on. 

“Good.” Lena kissed her properly now, nearly dizzy as she felt Kara’s thumbs against her bare skin. “Because I need you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lena's signature scents? Daytime: Vodka and Chanel No. 5; Nighttime: Scotch and Joy by Jean Patou ;)  
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter!! It was a fun one to write and I'll try to be quick about the next xoxo


	6. Got It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kara and Lena definitely don't talk about unresolved questions and instead take care of other orders of business.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's smut.
> 
> Ch 6: Got It - Marian Hill ♡

 

Lena was shaking slightly as Kara’s thumbs brushed over her underneath her shorts, gentle and curious and cautious and much too slow. Her thighs tensed as Kara adjusted one of her hands, nudging dampened silk aside to run a finger through her wetness as the other hand shifted to grip her hip and steady her. 

“You’re… Lena, you’re,” Kara mumbled, stroking her again. Lena watched her face, her own expression a bit dazed while Kara appeared absolutely awestruck.

“Wet,” she finished for her, her eyes widening slightly as the blonde’s cheeks went the reddest she’d ever seen them. She couldn’t tell what that reaction meant and it made her feel a bit nervous, but she didn’t stop touching her so it couldn’t have been too bad.  _ Does she not want to be specific? Is that just what her face does when she’s turned on? Has she ever done this before? _

Kara was still moving her fingers softly, exploring despite the slightly awkward positioning of her hand. Suddenly she stopped and drew her hand from Lena’s shorts, a whine catching in Lena’s throat at the loss of contact. She was about to ask why she stopped, or if everything was okay, but she got her answer rather quickly. Kara smiled and pressed her forehead to Lena’s, bringing her fingers to her own lips carefully so that she could lick them clean. 

Lena didn’t know what to do, her eyes dropping to Kara’s mouth as she watched her tongue move over her glistening fingers. Her breath came in little puffs, their mouths so close that she could almost taste herself. And then she did, Kara’s hand dropping to grip Lena’s thigh as she kissed her deeply. It wasn’t like  _ she’d _ never been with anyone before, but licking the taste of herself from Kara’s lips made it impossible to recall a better kiss, a better partner, a better moment. 

When they pulled back something in the air had changed, much of the hesitance and uncertainty from before replaced with a honey-thick layer of need. Lena hadn’t even realized how hard Kara was holding onto her before she felt her hands relax slightly, skin hot underneath her touch. The moment of stillness could have lasted a second or thirty, but it didn’t matter because soon Lena’s arms were tight around Kara’s neck and she was kissing along her jaw while strong hands wandered over her thighs and back to grip her ass. Lena moved her lips to Kara’s neck, moaning into her skin and pushing her hips forward needily. 

“Why do you have to wear so many fucking...layers,” she breathed, tugging first at the cape and then the suit’s collar before dropping her hands to the skirt and grinding her hips again. 

“Because,” the blonde teased, her voice just as hushed. “I like watching you squirm.”

Lena huffed out a breath, shifting her hips once more. “That’s bullshit,” she mumbled, though it wasn’t any secret that Kara (as Supergirl, at least) liked getting her all worked up. The difference this time was that it seemed like she planned to unravel her, too. 

“Well,” Kara said quietly, the amusement in her voice darkened with arousal. “I’m a very fast learner, Lena.  _ Very _ fast,” she continued, maneuvering their position easily so that she was straddling the rather flushed CEO on her very nice couch. “And whether you think it’s bullshit or not, I think you like it too.” She took a moment to gaze down, clearly enjoying the sight of the woman lying beneath her, before sliding her hands beneath Lena’s camisole and raking her nails down her sides slowly. 

Lena was mesmerized, arching her back slightly at the feeling of Kara’s nails and still trying to recover from the words she'd just said. She was suddenly hyper-aware of the fact that Kara could hear  _ everything  _ if she wanted to, that from the moment they first kissed she probably kept track of what made her heart rush and what made moans catch in her throat. That thought made it even more impossible to stay quiet as Kara's hands climbed from her waist to cup her breasts, fingers splayed over the marks she'd left before. A small moan escaped as soft fingers circled her nipples, the pads of Kara’s thumbs sweeping over them once they were hard.

“Lena,” she groaned, her hair falling over one shoulder as she moved her own hips in search of friction. She tugged the camisole up with unintentional roughness, some combination of lust and joy on her face as she smoothed her palms over Lena’s chest. “You're so perfect,” she continued, hips rocking again.

“Will you admit you're a boob girl?” Lena asked playfully, her voice wavering as Kara slid down on the couch and began pressing kisses over the fading fingerprints that stood out against pale skin.

“No,” Kara mumbled, one of her legs now between Lena’s and her center pressed to her thigh. She was shameless as she grinded on her and Lena reciprocated, unable to focus on keeping her whines to a minimum when she was trying to match Kara’s timing. 

The feeling of Kara’s mouth against her breasts, the way she was sucking and licking and nibbling gently with her teeth, made Lena yearn for her lips elsewhere. She didn’t want to ask for  _ that _ , though, because at the moment she was too intoxicated by the moans she could feel vibrating against her skin each time Kara moved against her leg. The feeling of her Supergirl costume damp and hot against Lena’s bare skin was also a huge distraction, but she was having trouble finding words to convey how overwhelmed she was. It wasn’t like she was complaining, anyway. 

Kara worked her way back to Lena’s lips, pausing to tug at her bottom one with her teeth before moving a hand to her cheek and kissing her hard. 

“What do you want, Lena?” she asked against her mouth, rubbing her thumb over a lust-flushed cheek as her other hand wandered to the waistband of Lena’s shorts. 

Lena groaned, lifting her hips slightly as Kara started tugging at her shorts and looking up at her wordlessly once she pulled back. It was hard not to giggle when Kara hovered above her to let her kick her shorts off, the whole concept of Kryptonian powers existing during intimate moments very convenient but still absurd. She nodded with a pleading smile when a hand moved to cup her firmly between her legs, again more eagerly when Kara grinned and parted her lips with her fingers.

“I think you need to unwind,” Kara murmured, voice low and teasing as she slipped her middle finger into Lena with ease. “Or you want to, or both,” she continued, pressing the heel of her hand against Lena’s clit and curling her finger slightly. “And you think I’ll be able to help, hm?”

It felt like Kara was reading her mind starting from the second she’d touched her earlier, and now she was just speaking her thoughts like it was nothing. Of  _ course _ she needed to unwind, it had been a positively disastrous day and here she was with the only person who’d be able to ease the tension, the anxiety, the painful desire coiled white-hot in her lower abdomen. Kara was the cause and effect and she seemed to know this, especially with the way she smirked and drew her finger back before adding a second upon registering the lingering desperation on the brunette’s face. Her brows were furrowed and she closed her eyes, her fingers searching for purchase on Kara’s suit and finally gripping her skirt once again. 

“Please,” she mumbled, fidgeting with the material between her fingers and pushing her hips towards Kara’s hand. Every time she reminded herself that this wasn’t  _ just _ Supergirl but her best friend that she was absolutely in love with she felt a tremor pass through her; her stomach fluttered at the idea of the same girl who stumbled over her words and couldn’t decipher a flirty text from a friendly one now pumping her fingers in and out of her slowly with so much confidence it was overwhelming. 

Kara started slow, watching Lena’s face and listening closely to her heart, her breath, the sound of her own fingers as they moved. She pressed her other hand down flat against her stomach, using her thumb to rub small quick circles as she thrust faster and coaxed sounds from the CEO that made her almost unrecognizable. 

Lena was grateful for the hand pressing her into the couch, knowing she’d probably embarrass herself trying to keep still on her own. Usually she wanted the lights off, or music playing, or something to distract from the way she was when she absolutely fell apart. This time, though, the lights were on in the living room and it was quiet except for them and she’d never felt so vulnerable and so excited and so  _ enamored _ at once. 

“I’m not going to-” She let out a surprised moan, Kara’s movements suddenly sharper and more deliberate. “I’m not going to last,” she breathed, opening her eyes and letting out another pleased noise. She let go of the red fabric in her hands and replaced them on Kara’s shoulders, squeezing slightly and locking her eyes in her own lust-hazy vision. 

“It’s okay,” Kara encouraged quietly, rubbing faster with her thumb and pressing upwards with her fingertips as she felt Lena’s muscles tightening. “We’ve got all night,” she added, leaning down for a brief, hot, wet kiss before Lena froze in ecstasy. 

There was a moment in which Lena’s body was still and taut from head to toe, but after that she quivered through waves of pleasure with her arms thrown around Kara’s neck and her face buried against her skin and pure, unfiltered enrapturement spilling from her lips. 

Kara let her cling on tightly for a minute, brushing her thumb over her clit just barely as she came down and enjoying the small trembles and whines as she did. When she finally drew her fingers away they both let out a breath, equally shaky, and pulled back to regard each other. 

“Please, please tell me that wasn’t your first time,” Lena murmured, the slight grin on her face seeping into her voice. It was too perfect, too well-timed, and she didn’t know how well she’d be able to reciprocate if Kara was already bringing her to the edge with ease. It didn’t seem like the right time to mention that it was generally quite difficult for her to get comfortable enough with a partner to actually finish, or that she was terrified of Kara being disappointed, or any other number of anxious thoughts that didn’t suit the mood in any capacity. 

Kara hesitated, nibbling at her lip and trying to hide the grin that crept onto her face as well. “I mean, I said I’m a fast learner,” she said, offering a small shrug before scooping Lena into her arms. “And you’re very… well, you make it clear what you like,” she continued, her tone still laced with heat. She brought them to the bed, sitting up against the headboard and letting out a hum as Lena arranged her languid body on her lap. 

“You make it clear what you like, too,” Lena whispered, nuzzling her neck and trying to gather at least some of her composure. “I didn’t realize you could practically soak through your suit,” she added with a lazy smirk. 

“Couldn't help it,” Kara said, her hands drifting up and down Lena’s back as she tried to calm down enough to at least let Lena catch her breath before starting something else. “I… Nobody’s made me feel like this, really,” she confessed. “All… you know, what you just said. That doesn’t usually happen.” 

Lena furrowed her brows for a moment, still basking in the gentle hum of her body after such a long awaited release. “You don’t usually...oh, Kara,” she said, bringing a hand to cup her cheek and kissing her tenderly. She didn’t want to be rude and make assumptions, but it sounded like Kara was being deprived of something she  _ definitely _ deserved. “Then how do you get off?” 

Kara just laughed quietly, shrugging and returning the kiss slowly before answering. “I don’t think that I...can?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took me like 40 years to write it feels like! I hope it was fun (': Next chapter will have some varied content, we'll see what's up with Kara's situation, and maybe these girls will you know... talk instead of just gal-palling around! xo


	7. Love You Anyway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kara figures out what she's been missing, Lena is absolutely shook, and once again nobody can catch a break. But they do talk about stuff. Kinda. Which is progress!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took me way too long and I'm sorry!
> 
> Ch 7: Love You Anyway - Ji Nilsson & Marlene ♡

“You don’t think you can? Like at all?” Lena asked, ineffectively attempting to hide the obvious combination of pity and concern in her voice. Though Kara wasn’t human, it wasn’t like her kisses lacked passion or her heart didn’t thud against Lena’s in the same frenzied way. Even before tonight she knew that she got at least  _ something _ out of their heated moments, tongues sliding over each other and hands wandering, and since Kara was dating Mike she’d only assumed that they were intimate. “Have you tried?”

Kara stuttered, clearly flustered as she continued dancing her fingers along Lena’s spine. “I- I mean… I… well I don’t have lots of time by myself to do that kind of stuff, and when I’m… when I’m with him we focus on him and then it’s over and that’s fine,” she continued hastily. 

Lena frowned slightly, rubbing her thumbs over Kara’s cheeks softly and pressing a kiss beside her nose. “Well,” she said quietly, sliding her fingers back to weave into soft blonde hair. “Does it still feel good?” she asked, raising her eyebrows slightly. She didn’t want to misread the conversation or overstep; if Kara only did things because she felt obligated then Lena wanted no part in continuing that trend, but if she just hadn’t been getting what she actually wanted then she was ready to give all she could. 

“It’s...I don’t know,” Kara said, and Lena could feel the tension the other woman’s body as she tightened her hold just slightly. “I don’t want to talk about him with you, if that’s-”

“No, no, I shouldn’t have been nosy,” Lena said, shaking her head and offering a smile. “I just want to know if you want me to try,” she continued, her voice gentle. 

For the next few seconds Lena was scared that she'd messed up because Kara’s skin was absolutely burning under her thumbs and she looked nervous; nervous Kara wasn't new but nervous Kara-as-Supergirl kept throwing her off. She knew better than to assume anything this time, though, considering the last time she thought she'd crossed a line she ended up on her back completely enraptured and more satisfied than she’d ever been. 

“I do want you to try,” Kara whispered, a reassuring kiss pressed against Lena’s lips. They both smiled and a relieved breath of laughter passed between them, the combination of intensity and newness causing more amusement than embarrassment at this point.

“Okay,” Lena murmured once they’d calmed slightly, still making soft patterns on the flushed cheeks her thumbs rested on. “Is there...something that you want me to try? Something you’ve thought about?” she coaxed, not wanting to take a blind leap if she could fulfill a curiosity or two instead. She wasn’t used to being the one doing the encouraging, especially with Supergirl. 

“Your mouth,” Kara blurted, eyes widening as Lena blinked quickly and tried to come up with any sort of adequate response. 

“Oh.” 

“Sorry, I meant to be more like ‘I would like it if you maybe did something with your mouth’ but I said most of that sentence in my head and then I got nervous and thought I was going to chicken out of asking so then I just said it-”

“No, I mean  _ oh _ ,” Lena said, laughing slightly and dropping her hands to Kara’s chest, outlining the crest on her suit just to have something to do with her hands for the moment while she gathered herself. “I like it when you’re forward,” she continued with a light shrug, her tone shifting and her legs tightening against Kara’s hips for a moment. 

“I’ve noticed,” Kara murmured, her brief fumbling and embarrassment clearly forgotten and replaced with a hint of the confidence she usually wore along with her suit. 

Lena nodded, taking her bottom lip between her teeth for a moment and continuing the soft movements of her fingertips. She finished tracing the crest, nuzzling against Kara’s cheek so she could whisper in her ear. 

“Then  _ tell me _ what you want.” 

“I already did,” Kara said, the smirk in her voice sharp as she slid a hand up Lena’s back before taking a fistful of her hair. She toyed with it for a moment, guiding the other woman’s head back enough to study her face. Flushed cheeks, eyes bright and eager, lips pouted slightly as she waited for Kara to continue. “I said I want your mouth.” The blonde tugged lightly before freeing Lena’s hair, lifting an eyebrow.

The change in energy made it feel like those nights on the balcony again, surreal and electric and surging with a subtle and unspoken exchange of power that had only manifested in very hard kisses (and some bruises) until now. Kara’s gaze darkened and Lena nodded quickly, barely off of her lap before the blonde zipped away in a blur and returned to the bed completely bare. 

“It would be hard with the suit on,” she murmured, resuming her position near the headboard but this time on her back with only her head and shoulders supported by the pillows. 

“I- uh, hm.” Lena said, eyes moving over every visible inch of Kara’s body. She was astounded. She’d hugged her plenty of times, felt her biceps flex as she held on, she’d seen her topless very recently and it wasn’t hard to picture her legs bare when she was in her suit, but actually  _ seeing _ her left her not only immobile but incoherent as well. It was obnoxious how amazing her body was, to the point that she was flooded with relief at the fact that she was still somewhat covered herself. Kara made her feel more attractive than anyone ever had and that fact still stood, but basking so intimately in unearthly beauty left her awestruck. 

“Lena Luthor, you look like you’ve never seen a girl naked before in your whole life.” Kara was clearly trying not to grin, her hands resting on her knees which remained tightly connected for the time being. 

“No one like you,” Lena said, letting out the breath she’d held as she studied the woman before her. “But I’m definitely not mad about it,” she added, tucking her legs under herself and leaning forward to nudge at one of Kara’s hands with her cheek. She couldn’t think of a time she’d been more self-conscious about her skills in bed, but she had a feeling anything she did would be better than whatever Mike managed to do to leave his girlfriend dry all the time. She pressed a kiss to the inside of Kara’s knee when the blonde pulled them apart, then turned her head to do the same to the other. Her skin was so  _ soft _ and for a second she forgot that Kara couldn’t bruise like she could, but she moved her mouth further down and sucked lightly anyway. Not to mark, just to test. 

“You won’t hurt me,” Kara said, and Lena had to remind herself that Kryptonians couldn’t read minds. 

“What does it feel like?” Lena sucked again, harder this time as she wrapped her arms around Kara’s thighs. It was more to hold herself steady than anything which was a funny thought, but nothing about this particular night made complete sense. She had to readjust a bit again, scooting back slightly and raising up on her heels so she could lean down properly and continue her kisses and attempted lovebites along Kara’s inner thighs.

Kara relaxed slightly, shuffling her feet further apart to allow Lena adequate space before dropping a hand to her hair. She didn’t grab, just rested her hand and watched as Lena got closer to her center with each carefully placed kiss. 

“It feels...nice,” Kara said, her voice trembling slightly. “Really nice, it kind of tickles and I like that. But-” 

Lena almost felt smug at how worked up she sounded, and at how she hadn’t even  _ really _ done anything with her mouth yet, but then Kara pulled on her hair and lifted her hips with a sharp exhale and she was reminded that the blonde was soaked and probably not feeling eager to experiment with more foreplay. 

“Right,” she whispered, pressing her fingertips harder into Kara’s thighs when she tensed at the feeling of her breath. She felt the grip on her hair tighten slightly and she leaned forward, pressing a tender kiss right above the hood of her clit. She kissed again when Kara shivered, then flicked her tongue lightly, then she moved her tongue through her wetness as slowly as she could manage. It was unfair for someone to taste  _ that _ good. 

“Lena,” Kara said shakily, the hand that had been resting on her own knee now grasping at the metal of the bed frame behind her. “That… again,” she managed, eyes shut tightly in concentration. 

The brunette hummed, licking her again with a bit more pressure, then Kara moaned and it was the prettiest sound and her plan to start slow was completely discarded. She settled into a rhythm, a pattern of long, strong strokes interrupted by gentle kisses and soft nips of her teeth. It was easy to tell what was the most effective, thankfully, because every so often Kara would push down on her head or mutter something incomprehensible and she’d know exactly what to do to encourage another moan or whimper or whine. 

It wasn’t a surprise that Kara was already close considering the fact that apparently nobody had given her this sort of attention before. When her legs started shaking she moved her hand from Lena’s hair to bite on her fist, opening her eyes to look down in some combination of disbelief and awe. She wasn’t being quiet by any means now, her moans desperate as she grew closer and closer to a point she didn’t even know she could reach until tonight.

Lena wanted to time it perfectly, or at least as perfectly as she could, so she slowed down with her tongue for a few long passes over her entrance before latching on to her clit and bringing a hand down from her thigh. She was glad Kara couldn’t get hurt because the way she was pushing against her teeth was pretty forceful, and when she slid two fingers into her she thought she might fling them both into the ceiling. She pumped her fingers quickly, curling them upwards and sucking hard as her tongue moved diligently over Kara’s nerves. 

The next minute or so was a complete blur for both of them. Muscles clamped down around Lena’s fingers so hard she didn’t even bother trying to pull them out yet, stilling as the most shocked ‘oh!’ she’d ever heard left the blonde’s lips. Kara bucked her hips against Lena’s mouth as she came,  _ definitely _ hard enough to bruise her upper lip, and the wrought iron of the bed frame was not only warped but the section Kara had been holding on to was molded like clay in the form of her clenched fist. Lena drew back slowly, rubbing her free hand up and down Kara’s thigh lightly and peering at her with concern. 

“You’re  _ vibrating _ ,” she said, rubbing her hand over her leg again with wide eyes. It wasn’t aggressive or anything, more of a hum, but she could definitely feel it. Her face softened slightly when she realized it wasn’t an indication of something bad, sliding her fingers out of her slowly and scooting forward when Kara sat up straight. 

“I- I know,” Kara said with a quiet laugh, though she didn’t look worried until she looked down at Lena’s mouth. “You’re bleeding!”

“What?” Lena frowned and brought her clean hand to her mouth, her upper lip already swollen. “Oh,” she said, blinking a few times. “You’re really strong,” she said, shrugging and looking behind Kara at her headboard. She draped her arms around her neck and settled in closer, running her tongue over her lip quickly. “I’m just glad you didn’t yank all my hair out,” she teased, grinning as soft hands cupped her cheeks tenderly and a kiss was pressed between her brows. 

“Lena,” Kara said seriously, kissing beside her mouth and then pressing their foreheads together. “I...I have a lot of stuff to say but I’m still...well first I don’t know how you did that but I want to know how,” she said, another soft kiss meeting Lena’s skin. “And I’m sorry for hurting you, I didn’t realize I would… I didn’t know how it was going to feel so next time I’ll be ready. If you want a next time I mean, because I don’t know if you will since I messed up your bed and gave you a fat lip and I don’t want to hurt you  _ ever _ unless it’s like… the stuff you like which I think I know but maybe not and we can talk about it later or not depending on if you want to do this anymore because we don’t have to and I don’t want to pressure you but I really did like it and it was amazing and I’d be happy if that was the only time I ever...you know because then it would have been with you and that’s special-”

“Hey,” Lena interrupted, her voice quiet. “I’m going to forget what you said if I don’t answer now-”

“Right, gotcha, sorry.”

“I wouldn’t mind showing you how-”

“Oh, gosh. That’s good because I’d really like to do that-”

“Kara!”

“Sorry!”

They paused to laugh for a moment, finally decompressing. Kara moved her hands from Lena’s cheeks to her hair, gently attempting to untangle it so she could comb her fingers through as she tried her best to be quiet and let her talk.

“As I was saying, I wouldn’t mind showing you how, and it’s okay about my lip,” Lena said, playing with Kara’s hair as well. “Maybe it’ll look like the… that girl, you know, the annoying fake lip girl. All pouty and stuff. Keelie? It’s trendy to have a huge swollen lip,” she said, laughing as Kara grinned and shook her head. “And I’m not saying anything about the rest of that right now except for that I’m happy,” she said, nodding softly and bumping her nose against Kara’s in place of a kiss. “And that I’m glad I made you feel good.”

“ _ Really _ good.”

“Okay,  _ really _ good.”

Soon they were cuddled up in bed together, both naked for the sake of fairness. Kara was blowing cold air on Lena’s lip to try to make the swelling go down and Lena’s hand moved lazily along the curve of her waist just to feel her warmth. 

“I hate to do this right now, but I won’t be able to sleep if I don’t ask,” Lena said after a while, her hand going still and her eyes moving away from Kara’s face so she’d be able to maintain the tiny amount of courage she’d built up. “Are you still seeing Mike?” 

Kara sighed softly, rolling to lie on her back. “Lena, you have to trust me-”

“It’s hard,” Lena said, propping herself up on an elbow. “I trust you with everything but I feel like maybe you don’t trust me and that’s the problem,” she added, glad Kara was staring at the ceiling and not her face. There was a long pause in which the bed seemed much too big, like it would be too easy to sleep on opposite sides and part ways in the morning and go back to not talking about things. She couldn’t afford to spend another day this week feeling used and watching movies and getting drunk and bothering Jess, so unless Kara said something of substance rather than another excuse she was going to have to at least suggest a break in whatever game they were playing so they could both sort themselves out. It never felt like a game while it was happening, it felt  _ real _ and she felt cared for and cherished, but reality was a splinter in polished wood. 

“Lena, you’re in danger,” Kara said after a while, sounding more like Supergirl than she had all night. That particular tone paired with those particular words made Lena’s heart drop. “I didn’t even know the whole story until right before I came over, I got in a fight with Alex and needed some time to think but now I know it’s not the right time to tell you. The danger’s not immediate, which is why I didn’t say anything before, but I know it isn’t fair what I’ve been doing and I meant it when I said I was sorry. You need to trust me is because I can’t tell you what the danger is yet, because you… You’ve tried to fix things in secret before without telling anyone.” Her voice was detached now and she was still fixated on the ceiling, like looking at Lena would keep her from saying what she needed to.

Lena nodded slightly as she listened, trying to swallow the dread in her throat and tucking her arms to her chest. It was always stupid to expect more than twelve hours between disasters, but she couldn’t help but feel some sliver of relief that her safety being compromised was the cause of her romantic predicament. At this point, avoiding death was more commonplace than actually having a productive conversation about feelings.

“Your plans have worked out so far and we all- the DEO and everyone- appreciate what you’ve done for National City and for us, for  _ me _ , but I don’t feel good about you knowing about this situation right now. So yes, I’m still seeing Mike, but it’s because I have to and I’ll tell you everything as soon as I can.” 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen, I have been trying to write this since I was on vacation and I got stuck in like 18 different places so I hope it was good enough to make up for the wait! As always comments are super appreciated, I didn't want to rush the conversation at the end so next chapter will pick up there! Lena might be serving some Kylie Jenner Juvederm realness but she still has to like... respond to all of that. Thanks for sticking around!! xo


	8. It Will Come Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kara and Lena have a fairly mature talk and rekindle their... friendship!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I am SO sorry with how long this took. A lot of stuff has happened since last chapter including Melissa Benoist's publicist threatening to sue me and whatnot AND I went on vacation again AND school started AND I got a girlfriend (!!♡!!) so I've been all over the place but I am definitely not abandoning this story and I promise I'll be more on top of updating now that things have mostly calmed down in my life (': 
> 
> Ch 8: It Will Come Back - Hozier ♡

Kara’s words hung solemn and heavy in the air, the bedroom feeling cramped and cold despite the heat rolling in waves off of the blonde’s body as she lay next to a very stiff Lena. By now Lena thought that she should be accustomed enough to danger and disappointment to take news like this (vague and terrifying) and swallow it down like a shot of whiskey, leaving it warm and dull in the pit of her stomach before moving on to some larger issue. This time, though, and this particular subject, left her mouth dry and her heart sinking. She’d been bending over backwards to rationalize Kara’s behavior in her head and now that she had a scrap of an explanation she was more distraught than when she thought she might just be a side option. It was relatively easy to numb herself against fear, the taser in her purse and Supergirl’s number in her contacts offering some sense of security when she knew people were constantly after her, but this new danger being intertwined with Mike and the DEO made her feel uneasy.

“Lena?” Kara coaxed after the silence stretched on for longer than a minute. She didn’t get much of a reaction, Lena’s arms still clutched close to her chest and her jaw tensed as she tried to keep her breaths from shaking. “Hey, come here.” 

The words came softly, Supergirl’s authoritative tone completely shed and replaced by one that reminded Lena of the times when Kara would drop in on her at work with takeout in hand to comfort her quietly on the couch whether she asked her to or not. It always seemed like Kara knew what she needed, what kind of support she was too stubborn to openly admit she wanted, and she briefly wondered if she was ever listening in. Maybe she heard the conversations she had with her mother and knew she just wanted to be held, maybe she heard her sniffling as careful and silent tears wet her blouse, or maybe she really did just sense when her best friend was hurting. The fact that the person who had the ability to hurt her the most always helped her the most was part of why it was so easy for her to yield as Kara reached for her, running her fingertips lightly from Lena’s shoulder down to her elbow. 

Lena uncurled her arms slowly, blinking a few times before scooting closer and nestling her face in Kara’s neck with an arm resting over her chest. She let Kara pull her closer with a secure arm around her waist, her other hand cradling the back of her head and stroking her hair softly. She tried to relax, to breathe at least, rubbing Kara’s collarbone softly and hooking their ankles together. 

“You know I won’t let anything happen to you, right?” 

Lena took a deep breath, eyes still shut. “I know that, but Kara,” she murmured, her voice muffled in her neck, “I feel like I don’t  _ actually _ know anything at all.” 

“I wish I could-”

“You  _ can _ .” It was so hard to get mad at someone who literally held the sun inside of her, who spent more time helping others than doing anything else, but it wasn’t impossible to get frustrated. “You’re not helpless, you’re… you’re a  _ hero _ , you can figure out some of the hardest situations in less time than it takes college kids to figure out the tip at a restaurant,” she continued, sighing softly as Kara let out a breath of a laugh. “You can tell me what you want.”

“I want you, Lena, and I can’t have you like I want to right now.” The hand at Lena’s waist squeezed slightly, fingertips pressing almost possessively into her side. Almost. 

“Then what are we going to do?” Lena asked, exhaling the words before she could shy away and leave unanswered questions alone for the sake of pretending. 

Kara stuttered quietly for a moment, the beginnings of her words catching in her throat.  “I...I can’t ask for you to wait for me,” she said finally, her tone resigned and her hold on Lena loosening until her hand barely rested at her waist. “It’s not fair.”

“If I couldn’t handle unfairness I would have stopped whatever we’re doing once I realized you were dating someone-”

“That doesn’t mean it’s okay!”

Lena tensed at the rise in volume in Kara’s voice, pulling away from her slightly. She could feel Kara’s frustration but trying to discern its direction was hard; shouldering blame was something she’d gotten much too familiar with, and it was painful to imagine Kara being mad at her for something that she knew wasn’t objectively her fault. 

“Do you think I treat you well?” She’d clearly noticed Lena’s discomfort with the way she snapped at her, 

Lena took a breath, her cheeks flushed with some combination of embarrassment and distress. She did everything she could to avoid acknowledging what she let herself get drawn into, acknowledging how much she let Kara get away with. “You’re my best friend, you’re the only person who actually cares about me,” she said quietly, tucking herself close to Kara again. “And you… you do a lot for me,  _ so _ much, and you listen to me and you go out of your way all the time to check on me and I can’t name a single person who’s ever made me feel so appreciated.”

Kara sighed, pressing her lips to the top of Lena’s head before speaking again. “That isn’t an answer,” she murmured, rolling onto her back and pulling Lena with her easily. “And I know it’s… not fun to hear and that’s why we haven’t talked about it really, why  _ I  _ never bring it up,” she continued. She readjusted her arms so she could rub Lena’s back softly, shaking her head almost imperceptibly. “Outside of our friendship I don’t treat you fairly,” she said matter-of-factly, though her voice wavered. “I know you know that, but I just needed to say it so that you know I know too. I’m not good to you, Lena, and you don’t deserve it. You deserve more.”

Lena frowned the whole time Kara spoke, nestling her face in her neck and trying to calm the tears that stung in her eyes. “You treat me better than anyone ever has-”

“That doesn’t mean I treat you well, you don’t have… you don’t have a lot of good to compare me to,” Kara murmured, kissing Lena’s head again. 

She was right.  _ God, _ Lena thought,  _ am I really  _ that _ girl? The girl who was so mistreated for so long that the first person who treated her with any positive regard and care became her entire world? _

“Then why do you do it?” Lena asked after a while, her breath warm against Kara’s neck. “If you don’t think you treat me well then why do you… keep doing what you’re doing?”

“I don’t know,” Kara said, her struggle to control the distress in her voice evident in the way her muscles tensed up as she continued. “I think I wanted to do something exciting, to have something just for me because everything I do all day is for other people and I  _ love _ helping people, I love helping people more than anything, but it’s exhausting and I get frustrated and it felt so good to lose myself with you,” she said, her words spilling in a flurry that was almost hard to follow. “Supergirl doesn’t get to be a person who gets to let off steam when she wants to because she’s not a person I’m not...It’s hard, Lena, and I trust you so much and I have so many feelings for you that it’s blinding sometimes and you were the only person I knew would want me like that, would want me to take you, and you’re the only person I wanted to take. I knew I could… I could have tried with you as Kara, to date you properly and everything, but you knew about Mi- Mon-El, and I didn’t want you to think I would be the kind of person to do that and I just… God, Lena, I got addicted to the feeling of doing all the things I did to you when I was Supergirl, even though it was wrong, and once I had that as an outlet I didn’t want to give it up,” she finished, her skin hot and her heart pounding. 

Though it felt like the incorrect response, Lena felt some sort of relief as Kara spoke, as she grew frustrated and stumbled over her words and clutched Lena a little too tight without even realizing. She almost felt foolish for considering, even briefly, that this was all a game to her. It wasn’t foolish, though, because Kara  _ had _ been acting cold and unaffected. She’d been too focused on hiding how she was feeling to let Lena know that she wasn’t absolutely insane for seeing a future together, and that was what hurt most. It wasn’t the fact that she was something secret on the side, it was the feeling of holding onto something that might disintegrate at any moment and leave her humiliated and ashamed. Hearing Kara admit to her motivations, admit to her selfishness- that was enough to soothe her for the time being.

“You don’t have to give it up,” Lena whispered, lifting her head slightly when Kara’s grip relented. 

“Lena.” Kara’s voice was hardly audible as well as she sat up slowly, carefully bringing Lena into her lap so she could look at her face. “It’s not-”

“I know,” Lena breathed, brushing her mouth over Kara’s softly so as to not hurt her still swollen lip. “But I’m a big girl, I can choose whether I want to stay or go,” she murmured. “I can decide if I want this or if I don’t.”

“What is ‘this’?” Kara asked, hands coming to rest at Lena’s waist too easily. She brushed her thumbs over her skin, their foreheads pressed together as Lena looped her arms around her neck.

“It’s me,” she said deliberately, “and you, Lena and Kara, and we’re going to stay best friends,” she continued. “And I’m also going to be here when you need to… relax, alright? As Supergirl, as Kara, whatever you need. But I’m not waiting for you.” She noticed Kara’s frown at that, taking a measured breath. “I’m waiting for myself, because professionally I can’t be caught in a scandal involving a reporter and her boyfriend. And I’m going to trust you as far as you staying with him to keep me safe.” Kara nodded and she kept going, the feeling of setting her own terms making her feel in control for the first time in a while. “I won’t show up at your work with personalized flower arrangements anymore, I won’t bother what’s-his-name, I’ll...I’ll be your friend, Kara, I’ll always be your friend. I’m serious about that. I’m just asking for honesty on your end about what you want and how you’re feeling, that’s all.”

There was a long pause as Kara processed the words, brows creased with internal conflict before she finally responded. “Okay. Then I want this, too.” She nodded again, this time leaning to kiss Lena tenderly though her hands fidgeted against her waist with the pent-up energy that had cooled to a simmer after her rambling confession. “Do you want to know how I feel right now?” she asked, running her fingertips down to Lena’s lower back.

“Yes,” Lena mumbled, already keenly aware of the change in Kara’s tone, in the way she held her. 

“I’m feeling a little frustrated,” she said, pressing hard into Lena’s hips with her thumbs. “And a little angry, and I feel guilty,” she continued. “And I feel wound up because when I was talking about what we did before, when you were just with Supergirl, I remembered just how much you loved that,” she said, brows furrowing again but this time in teasing curiosity. “Why’d you love it so much, Lena? When I just showed up and got you all hot and bothered and then flew away?”

Lena hummed, resisting the urge to bite at her lip. “It’s nice to not be in charge all the time,” she said, shrugging lightly.

“Then you should let me know when you need a break,” Kara said, moving one hand to cup Lena’s chin so she could tilt her head and press a kiss to her pulse point. “If you’re here for me, I’m here for you. Got it?” She punctuated her question with a bite to Lena’s earlobe, grinning slightly as she shivered against her. 

“Got it.”

“Are you sure?” Kara asked, flicking her tongue beneath Lena’s ear before sucking briefly at her neck, smiling slightly against her skin as she heard her breath hitch. “I know how hard it is for you to pull yourself away from your work,” she said, moving her hands back up Lena’s sides, past her waist this time so she could tease the undersides of her breasts with her thumbs. “Are you sure you won’t just let yourself get angry during work, all tired and frustrated, and then go home and think about me while you get yourself off instead of just calling me so I can help you?”

Lena had her eyes closed now, swallowing as Kara continued with her hands and her mouth, carefully and quietly coaxing her into a state of insatiable want. “I’ll call you, Kara,” she breathed, nodding lightly. 

Kara bit at her collarbone, working her thumbs between them so she could toy with her nipples. “Okay, good,” she whispered. “That’s what friends are for, right?”

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and that you don't think Kara is a totally evil demon who is knowingly taking advantage of Lena's sadness and loneliness with no remorse. I know this chapter was shorter than the last and very heavy on dialogue but I think it was important for some humanity from Kara to be shown as well as some autonomy on Lena's side of things. I love you all and thanks as always for sticking around! xo


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